My first immersion into the world of hair toppers

As you probably know if you follow my YouTube channel, Comme un diadème, and my blog, I took the plunge and got a hair topper at the age of 30. I had been living with androgenetic alopecia since I was 20, and I was starting to feel really self-conscious about losing my hair. But taking that step was far from easy. It took me several years to feel psychologically ready. I went through different stages and some disastrous try-on sessions before I truly felt ready to move forward. I tell you all about it in this article.

First step: I discover hair toppers.

During the first few years after my diagnosis of androgenetic alopecia, I didn’t know there were options other than Minoxidil or potentially quite intensive hormone treatments (Androcure). I had no idea clip-in hair toppers existed. I had never seen one or heard of them. Of course, I knew that wigs existed.

But in my mind, these were products for very old people, and they didn’t look natural at all. I had never considered this option. Also, I thought wigs were for women in a more “extreme” situation than mine when it came to alopecia (women who were bald or undergoing cancer treatment, for example).

As my alopecia progressed and the insecurity that came with it grew, I would sometimes spend evenings browsing forums for men with hair loss (yes, really… that’s how bad it had gotten!). On these forums, some men would sometimes say that women were at least lucky to have clip-in hair toppers available to them. I also sometimes saw women chime in to ask about these types of solutions (bonded or clip-in hair toppers, wigs).

That’s when I first learned about hair toppers. I started looking into them and soon came across a YouTube video of a young woman trying one on at a boutique in Canada. She couldn’t have been much older than 25. She had noticeable, but fairly mild, alopecia. She tried on the hair topper, and the result looked incredibly natural. It made her look so much more beautiful. I could easily relate to her because of her age, but also because her alopecia wasn’t all that pronounced. I thought to myself, if she was willing to try this kind of product, why shouldn’t I?

At that point, I didn’t yet feel truly ready to wear a hair topper. I also knew that my alopecia was barely noticeable. I’d never had any comments or noticed anyone staring. However, that video helped me enormously psychologically. I thought, “There’s a solution for me if it gets worse one day.” I also promised myself that if my insecurity ever became too difficult for me to cope with psychologically, I wouldn’t hesitate to take the step of wearing a hair topper. I shouldn’t make myself unhappy over something that can be addressed. I would need to be able to recognize when it had become necessary for me.

I bring up the subject with my loved ones

I very quickly wanted to talk to my loved ones about hair toppers. I probably needed to get the idea validated, to have a sense of approval, in a way, for something I might one day have to consider.

I first talked about it with one of my best friends, who reacted really well. She didn’t seem shocked by what I showed her. I explained that if my alopecia ever progressed, I might have to consider using this type of product. She told me the result looked really natural and good, and that it could indeed be a good solution for me.

On the other hand, I also talked about it with my mother, who reacted very negatively. She didn’t take it well. I could tell that she thought it was really shameful. She would say, “You’re not really going to wear that!!?” and “But it’s a wig—you’re not really going to wear a wig?! That’s for women who lose their hair, Laure.”

She also told me that the result on the young woman didn’t look natural at all, and that you could tell. In short, she made me doubt myself a lot. I could tell that she would also be ashamed if I wore that type of product. I didn’t feel supported at the time. I showed her that video again from time to time over the next few years, and she always had the same rejecting reaction.

I know now that without that, I would probably have taken the plunge sooner, maybe even just a few months later. But instead, I waited 4 years—until the insecurity became truly unbearable for me psychologically.

I have no choice anymore. I have to move forward.

Over the years, I started to feel really self-conscious about it. Especially after my daughter was born, when I lost even more hair. I stopped taking photos with her because all I could see was my alopecia.

It was becoming increasingly difficult for me to conceal it with hair-thickening powder, especially when I was filming my YouTube videos. That’s when I remembered my promise. I told myself it was time to try and take the step of going into a wig store.

This is a difficult step. I’m ashamed to call, ashamed to go there, ashamed to be seen outside the store on the street, ashamed to go in… but I did it!

A disastrous first fitting!

I start doing some research and go to a store in Paris whose name I found on Google. I go with my partner and my daughter, who was about a year old at the time. I remember thinking, “Poor baby, her mom is going to a wig store.” I know that thought is ridiculous. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. But that’s how I felt.

The store wasn’t actually on a street; it was at the back of a courtyard. That should have reassured me, but it actually reinforced my feeling that I was doing something really shameful. I felt like I was going into a brothel or a sex shop—in short, somewhere you really want to keep hidden.

I was greeted rather coldly by a sales assistant, who seated me in a tiny room barely 3 m² in size, with no windows. There was no wallpaper or paint on the walls, unlike in a regular salon. There was a lot of clutter, like in a room used for storing stock. I remember feeling as if I’d walked into a cupboard!

The sales assistant went to get me a hair topper, brought it to me, and left the room. I don’t really understand what’s happening to me at that moment. She doesn’t advise me or help me position it. So I’m left alone holding a product that doesn’t suit me at all. The hair is wavy and orange, Dalida’s color! It’s also extremely shiny. It looks synthetic. I try to position it on my head. The result is catastrophic. I feel like they’ve pulled it out of La Foir'Fouille or a Halloween costume shop (or a Dalida costume shop). My partner looks at me with wide eyes. Luckily, the absurdity of the situation makes me laugh.

When the sales assistant comes back, I tell her the color is really much too different from mine. She tells me that’s all they have. I find her extremely cold. I decide to leave. Out on the street, I feel like crying. It’s not just a fitting that went badly. For me, it also feels like the only solution I could have to cope with my alopecia is slipping away. I really had to take that blow.

One year later…

After this disastrous episode, I no longer knew what to think. The brand I went to wasn’t one of the market leaders. They were supposed to be a little less expensive, which is why I chose them. I thought maybe that was the problem, and that there had to be better products somewhere.

One day at work, a young colleague with beautiful hair looks at my thinning scalp while I’m talking during a coffee break. I can tell from her expression that she’s wondering and worried about the state of my scalp. It’s humiliating, and it’s a real wake-up call for me. I realize I’ve reached a point where other people are noticing. I can’t go on like this. As long as I was the only one who could see it, it was okay. But I can’t bear the thought of people realizing there’s a problem. So I decide to make another appointment at a wig store and visit one of the market leaders.

This time, the store is right on the high street, with a window display of wigs. I remember not daring to go in. I was ashamed to be seen and have people wonder why I was going in there. I was ashamed that people might know I needed this. But I did it!

I think there are some rather unsettling things for a woman with simple androgenetic alopecia when she walks into this kind of store. At reception, there were magazines featuring almost exclusively women who were completely bald due to total alopecia. There were also testimonials from women with cancer.

Of course, I understand how important it is for women facing these challenges to be represented. But I would also have liked to see women with simple androgenetic alopecia. There were indeed pages about hair toppers, suitable for women “with fine hair.” But the models clearly didn’t have androgenetic alopecia. It made me feel like I didn’t belong in that store, like I had no right to be there.

I felt like I was entering a world closely associated with illness, and that wasn’t a very reassuring or positive feeling for me. I also think that even for a woman who is ill or has total alopecia, the experience should be presented differently so that she can enjoy it more too.

I’m then greeted by a young sales associate, whom I find very friendly this time. She shows me two hair toppers. Neither is quite my color, but at least one of them is blonde. Let’s remember, I was still recovering from the trauma of the Dalida hairstyle! So I was ready to put up with a lot. The blonde is much lighter than my hair. I’m naturally dark blonde, and this is a very light blonde, like singer Angèle’s hair color.

The sales associate helps me position the product. At first, I don’t recognize myself. I think it looks pretty good, but it’s noticeable and looks like a lot of hair. I feel it changes my face, and I think everyone will notice the difference. The sales associate is very professional and puts me at ease. She tells me I just need a little time to get used to it. And it’s true: after about twenty minutes with the product on my head, I start to get used to how it looks.

I think the hair topper makes me look so much more beautiful. I remember thinking that this is how I should always have looked!

That this hair topper finally allowed me to be the real me! The one who shouldn’t have had to suffer from alopecia. The one who could have been admired…

That day, this reflection inspired Comme un diadème’s slogan: “Become the person you truly are again.” That’s exactly how I felt.

A few weeks later, I started wearing this hair topper, and it completely changed my life and my relationship with alopecia.

However, looking back, I now know it wasn’t the right product for me. The color was far too different from my own, and I had to lighten my hair several times, but it still didn’t blend well. Also, the base size was far too small, given that my alopecia is very diffuse and extensive. Altogether, the product was quite noticeable. I soon had to switch to a silk top product with a larger base. But I don’t regret that first experience. It was what inspired me to make videos about the subject for my YouTube channel. That first hair topper introduced me to the wonderful world of hair toppers.

Please do share your first experience with a hair topper in the comments—I’d be truly delighted to read about it!

Shop hair toppers and wigs here:

https://commeundiademe.com/store/

Discover Comme un diadème’s YouTube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgFJ9SejriuuyUGDZ6GT9kA?app=desktop